smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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