talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
