I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
