So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
