Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
