Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
