I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
