So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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