I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Enjoy the penises
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
