The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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