Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
A bitchslap is in order.
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