Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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