My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
