I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
