in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
