i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
