There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
