He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
