this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
