She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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