Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
