i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I wish there were birth control emojis
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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