In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
