She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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