my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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