Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
