Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
