shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
