Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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