I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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