oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
