I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
