i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
