i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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