youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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