Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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