Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
True strength comes from lack of pants
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
