I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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