She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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