every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
