i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
