If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
