She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
