Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
