So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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