we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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