Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
