If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
