i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
