nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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