i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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