So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
